Yup.

It’s that time, gang.  WNEP is finally getting up offa our collective ass and getting some quality entertainment flung out to your universe.

I hear you.

“What? You guys are still around?”
“Where the hell have you been?”
“Did you just put the word “fucking” in your title?”

Yes.
We were busy having babies, paying bills, living in Portage Park and then not living in Portage Park, ditching our shitty, money-sucking condo, losing jobs, getting jobs, telling stories, having sex, and generally living that thing we consider LIFE.
Yes – you gotta problem with the Music of Obscenity?

After our “sabbatical,” we’re planning some things I think you will be geeked to check out.

First – and indicative of the post title – SKALD13.  Yes, you cannot spit in Chicago and not hit a storytelling event anymore.  Hell, I’m the host of The Moth! Well, SKALD13 is “the longest running annual storytelling competition with a cash prize.”  Chew on that 2nd Story!

Later, look forward to the Home Theater Project – three one-act plays written by Dave Goss, Joe Janes, and Rebecca Langguth explicitly for performance in people’s homes.

Then we have another insane Joe Janes project coming.

We’re 20 years old (which in theater terms is, like, 105 years old).

Get off our lawn and get into a theater.

Tickets for SKALD13 will be posted soon.

To schedule an audition, go here.

Hey folks.

If you’re planning on swinging by Transistor on Saturday, February 19th, heads-up: we’re taking the month off. Don’t that let that deter you, though. If you’re in the market for a clock made out of a record or a miniature theramin, Transistor is the place to go. Trust me: you’ll feel about 63% hipper just by walking in the door.

Otherwise, check out the revival of Postmortem, our improvised documentary based on performance days’ obituaries, at the Viaduct Theatre on Western.

The next Frequency will be on Saturday, March 19th at 8pm. As usual, it won’t cost you a dime, and as usual, we will have free drinks and snacks on hand.

Hope to see you there. . . if not at Postmortem.

Dada Car Ride by DADA Whimzie
Based on a true story
Transcribed by DADA Grizzle

CHARACTERS
FATHER: Mid thirties, bald, goateed, tattooed
DAUGHTER: 4 ¾, long-haired, beautiful, energetic

SCENE
A car (a 2009 Saturn VUE, in case you’re wondering)

TIME
9:30 a.m. (ish) on Friday, January 28, 2011

DAUGHTER: Let’s play a game. It’s called. . . “Joke Game.”
FATHER: O.K.
DAUGHTER: I’ll start. Knock, knock.
FATHER: Who’s there?
DAUGHTER: Picklehead.
FATHER: Picklehead who?
DAUGHTER: Picklehead Pee Pee! Knock, knock.
FATHER: Who’s there?
DAUGHTER: Orangehead.
FATHER: Orangehead who?
DAUGHTER: Orangehead juice! Now YOU go.
FATHER: Knock, knock.
DAUGHTER: . . . . . .
FATHER: Knock, knock.
DAUGHTER: Who’s there?
FATHER: Orange.
DAUGHTER: No, you can’t say what I said!
FATHER: I didn’t!
DAUGHTER: You can’t say what I said.
FATHER: It was slightly different.
DAUGHTER: Orange who?
FATHER: Orange you glad we’re almost home?
DAUGHTER: Orange tree! Orange wire! Knock, knock!
FATHER: Who’s there?
DAUGHTER: Bananahead tree!
FATHER: Come on, dude, learn how to drive.
DAUGHTER: Look alive, look alive.
FATHER: Why was six afraid of seven?
DAUGHTER: Because seven scared six! Why was 1 afraid of 2?
FATHER: I don’t know, why?
DAUGHTER: Because 2. . . might scare 1! Why was 8 afraid of 10?
FATHER: I don’t know.
DAUGHTER: Because 10 was scary to 8! O.k., that’s the end.
FATHER: . . . .
DAUGHTER: But wait. I feel another one coming on.
FATHER: Uh oh.
DAUGHTER: Knock, knock, who’s there, Picklehead Cabbage!

END OF SCENE.

Case in point: Dave Goss, “hosting” December’s Frequency (note the quotes).

That when you take an animal into your home it becomes part of your family and you are committed to doing everything in your power to give it a good life – even if it means dropping a few thousand bones on an emergency operation to remove a foreign object from its stomach.

That when you want the whole pie, you should have to pay for more than a single slice. The four wealthiest Americans only pay between 16 and 17% of their annual incomes in federal taxes – even though their annual incomes doubled – that’s right, DOUBLED -during Dubya’s term as president.

That I would never in a million years open one of those “pay by thumbprint” accounts at Jewel. All of my personal information available to anyone at the push of a button? No, thanks. I’ll pay for my groceries the old fashioned way — when I get them. I know I’ll be wasting THREE SECONDS OF MY DAY, but oh well.

That there is no way Dora the Explorer (if that is her real name) could fit everything she could ever need – EVER – into her tiny little backpack. Come on, Dora. What do you think I am, stupid?! And why is it that every path you take is a straight line? You don’t really expect me to believe that everything is that easy, do you? I wasn’t born yesterday!

That any soldier who is afraid of losing a leg while serving alongside a gay man or woman has no business serving our country.

That the best way to cook a turkey is upside down. That way, the juices from the dark meat can trickle down to the white. Trust me on this. Your turkey will be out of this world. It won’t look like your picture perfect, Norman Rockwell-style turkey, but who cares? It will go to the same place, right? And deliciously, too.