May 2013 27

WNEP Theater is holding auditions for two original one-act plays: Rainbows and Lollipops by Dave Goss and The Tribute by Rebecca Langguth.

Auditions will be held on SATURDAY, JUNE 22nd from 10am-3pm at Zoo Studio, 4001 N Ravenswood Ave., Ste B-1

Seeking men (25-65) and women (25-45.) Prepare a two-minute monologue of your choosing. Headshot/resume. Must be available for callbacks on Monday, June 24th from 7-10pm.

Performance dates are Fri/Sat 8pm, July 26-Aug 17 at the Zoo Studio. Rehearsals begin late June.

Sign up for an audition slot: http://doodle.com/vhaie2en9fr5k92m

May 2013 27

Jan 2011 29

Dada Car Ride by DADA Whimzie
Based on a true story
Transcribed by DADA Grizzle

CHARACTERS
FATHER: Mid thirties, bald, goateed, tattooed
DAUGHTER: 4 ¾, long-haired, beautiful, energetic

SCENE
A car (a 2009 Saturn VUE, in case you’re wondering)

TIME
9:30 a.m. (ish) on Friday, January 28, 2011

DAUGHTER: Let’s play a game. It’s called. . . “Joke Game.”
FATHER: O.K.
DAUGHTER: I’ll start. Knock, knock.
FATHER: Who’s there?
DAUGHTER: Picklehead.
FATHER: Picklehead who?
DAUGHTER: Picklehead Pee Pee! Knock, knock.
FATHER: Who’s there?
DAUGHTER: Orangehead.
FATHER: Orangehead who?
DAUGHTER: Orangehead juice! Now YOU go.
FATHER: Knock, knock.
DAUGHTER: . . . . . .
FATHER: Knock, knock.
DAUGHTER: Who’s there?
FATHER: Orange.
DAUGHTER: No, you can’t say what I said!
FATHER: I didn’t!
DAUGHTER: You can’t say what I said.
FATHER: It was slightly different.
DAUGHTER: Orange who?
FATHER: Orange you glad we’re almost home?
DAUGHTER: Orange tree! Orange wire! Knock, knock!
FATHER: Who’s there?
DAUGHTER: Bananahead tree!
FATHER: Come on, dude, learn how to drive.
DAUGHTER: Look alive, look alive.
FATHER: Why was six afraid of seven?
DAUGHTER: Because seven scared six! Why was 1 afraid of 2?
FATHER: I don’t know, why?
DAUGHTER: Because 2. . . might scare 1! Why was 8 afraid of 10?
FATHER: I don’t know.
DAUGHTER: Because 10 was scary to 8! O.k., that’s the end.
FATHER: . . . .
DAUGHTER: But wait. I feel another one coming on.
FATHER: Uh oh.
DAUGHTER: Knock, knock, who’s there, Picklehead Cabbage!

END OF SCENE.

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Dec 2010 15

That when you take an animal into your home it becomes part of your family and you are committed to doing everything in your power to give it a good life – even if it means dropping a few thousand bones on an emergency operation to remove a foreign object from its stomach.

That when you want the whole pie, you should have to pay for more than a single slice. The four wealthiest Americans only pay between 16 and 17% of their annual incomes in federal taxes – even though their annual incomes doubled – that’s right, DOUBLED -during Dubya’s term as president.

That I would never in a million years open one of those “pay by thumbprint” accounts at Jewel. All of my personal information available to anyone at the push of a button? No, thanks. I’ll pay for my groceries the old fashioned way — when I get them. I know I’ll be wasting THREE SECONDS OF MY DAY, but oh well.

That there is no way Dora the Explorer (if that is her real name) could fit everything she could ever need – EVER – into her tiny little backpack. Come on, Dora. What do you think I am, stupid?! And why is it that every path you take is a straight line? You don’t really expect me to believe that everything is that easy, do you? I wasn’t born yesterday!

That any soldier who is afraid of losing a leg while serving alongside a gay man or woman has no business serving our country.

That the best way to cook a turkey is upside down. That way, the juices from the dark meat can trickle down to the white. Trust me on this. Your turkey will be out of this world. It won’t look like your picture perfect, Norman Rockwell-style turkey, but who cares? It will go to the same place, right? And deliciously, too.

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Dec 2010 15

Since people are asking. . .

Steampunk 585 is incubating – slowly – but sometime next year it will morph into an original piece of theater inspired by Anthony Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange. It is slated for production by WNEP Theater AFTER Postmortem and will be developed and executed through a process of collaboration between actors, designers, and me, the director. In true dadaist fashion, we will break the story down and then build it back up, bit by bit, into a minimalist production that will draw upon the central idea of Grotowski’s Poor Theater — that the only ingredient essential to theater is the relationship between actor and audience. In the vein of Artaud’s Theater of Cruelty, one of its goals will be to elicit a visceral reaction from its audience by forcing it to tap into the darker areas of its psyche.

This thing is my brainchild. Anyone who knows or has ever worked closely with me knows that my brain doesn’t exactly function in a way that most people would consider normal. After watching a number of my short films at last month’s Frequency, an audience member approached me and told me they felt like somebody had opened up their head and taken a piss in it. Of course, I took that as a compliment.

The point is, don’t expect Steampunk 585 to give you an evening of wholesome, family entertainment. If you’re looking for such an evening, go see a Neil Simon play.

So. . .

Confused? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. I wish I could hold you and tell you that everything will be o.k., but the truth is I need someone to do that for me. This is kind of a big deal for me.

And with that, I leave you with the following images:





By the way, in case you’re wondering, 585 is the wavelength on the electromagnetic spectrum for the color orange.






I love you.
Dave Goss, Managing Director

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