Christmas Eve today

and Christmas Day tomorrow.

Happy Holidays.

Case in point: Dave Goss, “hosting” December’s Frequency (note the quotes).

That when you take an animal into your home it becomes part of your family and you are committed to doing everything in your power to give it a good life – even if it means dropping a few thousand bones on an emergency operation to remove a foreign object from its stomach.

That when you want the whole pie, you should have to pay for more than a single slice. The four wealthiest Americans only pay between 16 and 17% of their annual incomes in federal taxes – even though their annual incomes doubled – that’s right, DOUBLED -during Dubya’s term as president.

That I would never in a million years open one of those “pay by thumbprint” accounts at Jewel. All of my personal information available to anyone at the push of a button? No, thanks. I’ll pay for my groceries the old fashioned way — when I get them. I know I’ll be wasting THREE SECONDS OF MY DAY, but oh well.

That there is no way Dora the Explorer (if that is her real name) could fit everything she could ever need – EVER – into her tiny little backpack. Come on, Dora. What do you think I am, stupid?! And why is it that every path you take is a straight line? You don’t really expect me to believe that everything is that easy, do you? I wasn’t born yesterday!

That any soldier who is afraid of losing a leg while serving alongside a gay man or woman has no business serving our country.

That the best way to cook a turkey is upside down. That way, the juices from the dark meat can trickle down to the white. Trust me on this. Your turkey will be out of this world. It won’t look like your picture perfect, Norman Rockwell-style turkey, but who cares? It will go to the same place, right? And deliciously, too.

Assignment from Don: ” Henri, you have to give me a song-a-decade from 1920-2010 that you would fuck your girlfriend to.”
Patrick: “And not your wife, your GIRLFRIEND, or we’ll fucking know!”

Ladies and Gentlemen, songs by which to recreate:

1920′s
Fats Waller – “Ain’t Misbehavin’ “
I chose this because it seems to me that a whitey with a lady might be experimenting with the darkie music about this time.
You’re already taboo with the music, so it’s an easy slide into the pantaloons with the “We’ve gone this far, it feels good, and no one’s hurt, so why not go further and see how it feels?” line.

1930′s
Bing Crosby- “Unchained Melody”
Bing Crosby gets ME wet, so naturally crooning about endless love when everything else is falling to shit is a sure fire way into the potato-sack-cum-panties of your depression-era-girl.

1940′s
Tommy Dorsey w/Frank Sinatra – “Say It (Over And Over Again)”
A big band playing the backup tunes to the Crooning of Old Blue eyes, mix this with a Sailor suit and buddy, you’re on the fast track to pussy cat town.

1950′s
Elvis Presley- “Love me Tender”
Show your sweeter side by asking her for her love, right before you “rock and roll.”

1960′s
Janis Joplin – “Piece Of My Heart”
Raspy woman singing about “taking”, pop this in the 8-track and if the van is a rockin’….

1970′s
Marvin Gaye– “Let’s Get It On”
If I have to explain or justify this one, then I’ll take your sex card now.

1980′s
The Police- “Every Breath You Take”
Something about being stalked gets us randy in the 80′s, so pop in the cassette, pretend your Pinto is a Lamborghini and bang, bang, bang.

1990′s
Tonic- “If You Could Only See”
Personal favorite, raspy voice displaying angst to the fact that you only know half as much love as I have for you. Drop it in your 5-Disc CD changer, hit loop, and make it last a whole 10 minutes.

2000′s
Creed – “With Arms Wide Open”
Seriously, the hardest decade with a plethora of pop songs I couldn’t get anyone over the age of 14 wet to, AND THE cooler-than-thou underground bands so hip and new wave that I’d spend more time deciphering the lyrics to than getting slick with, all that leaves me is a left over from the late 1990′s, so upload this to your first version I-pod, hit recycle, and pound her good…but remember to plug it in, cause those bitches sucked the juice from a battery. (I-pod, not the lady ya perv…although….)

Since people are asking. . .

Steampunk 585 is incubating – slowly – but sometime next year it will morph into an original piece of theater inspired by Anthony Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange. It is slated for production by WNEP Theater AFTER Postmortem and will be developed and executed through a process of collaboration between actors, designers, and me, the director. In true dadaist fashion, we will break the story down and then build it back up, bit by bit, into a minimalist production that will draw upon the central idea of Grotowski’s Poor Theater — that the only ingredient essential to theater is the relationship between actor and audience. In the vein of Artaud’s Theater of Cruelty, one of its goals will be to elicit a visceral reaction from its audience by forcing it to tap into the darker areas of its psyche.

This thing is my brainchild. Anyone who knows or has ever worked closely with me knows that my brain doesn’t exactly function in a way that most people would consider normal. After watching a number of my short films at last month’s Frequency, an audience member approached me and told me they felt like somebody had opened up their head and taken a piss in it. Of course, I took that as a compliment.

The point is, don’t expect Steampunk 585 to give you an evening of wholesome, family entertainment. If you’re looking for such an evening, go see a Neil Simon play.

So. . .

Confused? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. I wish I could hold you and tell you that everything will be o.k., but the truth is I need someone to do that for me. This is kind of a big deal for me.

And with that, I leave you with the following images:

By the way, in case you’re wondering, 585 is the wavelength on the electromagnetic spectrum for the color orange.






I love you.
Dave Goss, Managing Director